“In the past, people were born royal. Nowadays, royalty comes from what you do.” –Gianni Versace
As I question a friends actions, even thought they seem more righteous than the foes I’m used to, I begin to question my perception. Am I selfish? Solange begins to speak to me as she senses my despair. I then remember who I am and what I’m working for. I’m working for my royalty. Just as she did.
“You don’t have the attitude of a royal,” Solange sings to me. “Fall in your ways, so you can wake up and rise.” I fell in my ways last night and it felt good. It felt like home. The love I express to everyone is too much for one person to emit, especially when it is not returned. “Walk in your ways, so you won’t crumble,” but how do I walk? I’m not used to standing up for myself.
As I contemplate my circumstances, I begin to grow weary.
“I’m weary of the ways of the world.” The world doesn’t care where I come from, nor do they care where I’m destined to go. All they care about is ranting to me about not having what it takes to get to my destination. Those that are closest to me don’t care if I died in the next 3 days, I’m weary. “But you know that a king is only a man with flesh and bones, he bleeds just like you do,” but its okay because your jealousy is more important than my big dreams. Do you have big dreams? Just because I don’t show my suffering does not mean that I am not. A king should never get hurt, neither should a queen. That is why I’m weary about my place in the world.
“I tried to dance it away,” because my skin color causes so much commotion. It causes unnecessary problems in my world that shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t I be proud of the way God made me? “I tried to work it away but that just made me even sadder,” because I was told to stop thinking there’s some grand future ahead of me. A friend told me that out of jealousy, because my grand work history precedes my current struggle.
“Its like cranes in the sky, sometimes I don’t wanna feel those metal clouds.”
I begin to grow mad, not angry, just as Solange did. Her struggle precedes mine. “You got the right to be mad, but when you carry it alone you find it only getting in the way.” So I suppress that emotion because I’m alone. My family can’t support me, as they too struggle. It’s my job to change that, but I’m out on my own, falling on my face repeatedly. Through it all, I still find the strength to work hard to make someone else’s day even though I’m unsure if mine will continue.
“Why you always gotta be so mad,” people ask me daily. I’m not mad, but if you step into my world, you’d realize that “I got a lot to be mad about.”